17 tips to master the conversation with new people (2023)

Do you really care about them?Every article on conversation tips begins with "Listen well." But how exactly do you do that?

Do you know how! It happens of courseif you are interested in the other person.

don't believe me Why can you play with your family and close friends with ease? Because you focus on the words coming out of their mouth instead of what you'll say next in your own head.

A conversation is a two-way exchange where you build on what the other is saying. Listening gives you all the material you need to build a relationship, ask relevant questions, and continue to build the connection.

But unless you're actively interested in what the other person is saying, it's impossible to have an interesting conversation.

Use the F.O.R.D. and avoid R.A.P.E.FORD. is a well-known guide to what topics are generally effective when connecting with new people. It is synonymous with family, work, recreation and dreams (hopes).

But what about the topics to avoid? I went by the acronym R.A.P.E. found — means religion, abortion, politics, economics. I would also add previous romantic relationships.

These are sensitive topics for many people. Unless you have a lot of experience using them or they are relevant to the situation, I wouldn't do it until you know the person better.

Ask interesting questions.Stop trying to carry all the weight of the conversation. Asking meaningful questions relieves you.

People love to talk about themselves, so encourage them to. Invite them to share their passions, opinions, and stories. You'll walk away from the conversation feeling like you're a great listener who cared to meet you.

Here are three rules for great questions that lead to meaningful connections:

• Open or provocative.Questions that can be easily answered with one word don't derail the conversation. Force the other person to think about their response and give them more material to connect with.
• Creative or unique. Don't ask the same questions that you've probably heard a thousand times.
• Emotional.Your questions should evoke emotions and not just provide a constant exchange of data. They want the "why" behind the words.

Don't stress over surprising first questions. They only open the door so you can keep digging deeper. It's perfectly fine to get the ball rolling with a "standard" question.

Let's take "work" as an example. You could start talking to a woman with:

"So, what are you doing?"

She then tells you about her career as a travel photographer. I could continue with a series of increasingly boring factual questions like:

"Did you go to school for this?" / "Do you like it?"

You're likely to get a lot of short, half-hearted "chat" responses. It will also feel like an interview.

Or you could use interesting questions like:

"Have you always wanted to be a photographer or was there a turning point?" / "Which take are you most proud of?"

Which set do you think will make them respond? What will make them share genuine emotions and ideas about themselves? What will be the most remembered?

Use conversation starters to keep the discussion natural.Simply put, hook points are any words or ideas spoken by the other person.

what is saidat those momentswill provide youallYou need to stimulate the conversation. But if you're in your head and not interested in what the other person is saying (Step #1), you're missing out on all the wonderful reference points you can use to your advantage.

Let's continue with the previous example. You ask: "And what do you do?" She replies: “I am a travel photographer. Actually, I just got back from Argentina on Wednesday.”

On what hooks could the conversation continue?

- Travel
- Photographs
– Argentina
– Flying (involved by long-distance travel)

Choose one of the above. There are an unlimited number of ways you can respond. Think…

Have you been to Argentina? What do you like about it? Have a story to share? If not, what would you like to know about Argentina? Do you take photos yourself? How does it feel to fly so long?

So could you...

• Ask a relevant or insightful question.As in the previous example, you can immediately proceed with:

  "I'm jealous, that sounds exciting. Did you always want to be a photographer or was there a turning point?

  Or even something more light-hearted (but still unique and thought-provoking)...

  "Okay, since you're a professional, what's your secret to enjoying a 12-hour flight?" [Fly]

• sarcastic joke."Wow, traveling the world and seeing beautiful places sounds like a horrible job." [Trips]
• Retire."I would love to visit Argentina, the culture and nightlife seem amazing." [Argentina]
• be playful"Oh my gosh why would you leave this glorious weather? [Argentina]
• Role playing game.“It must be hard handling all this equipment yourself. Looks like I'm your new full-time travel assistant." [Photo]

Mix up your answers and insert statements between the questions.

So the basic idea is this:

Ask an engaging question -> Listen and choose a sticking point -> Ask a relevant statement/question -> Repeat the listening and pick the next sticking point.

stop fearing silence.You don't have to complete all the pauses in the conversation right away. It's perfectly normal to have a quiet moment or two.

As long as you're comfortable with yourself, it won't be weird or "scary." Silence is only uncomfortable if you make it uncomfortable.

If you tense up, look scared, and stutter, the other person will feel uncomfortable. But when you smile, take a breath, or casually have a drink, then everything will feel great. drive with meconfident body languageeven if you're scared inside.

Those extra seconds give you a chance to collect your thoughts and respond well. Not only that, but because you seem relaxed, the other person often restarts the conversation. A win for you.

Give genuine and personal compliments.People love to be validated and to feed their egos. Everyone wants to feel attractive and popular.

That being said, don't start giving cheap compliments. Those blanket compliments you've heard 100 times won't have much of an impact. And when people feel like you're being fake or have ulterior motives, it can have a very negative impact on your connection.

How are you doing?give a big compliment?

Make sure they are entitled to it and make it unique to them.

I only give compliments when someone has opened up to me, shared something personal, and impressed me. You deserve my praise and it carries a lot of weight.

Do not tell:

"That's really interesting."
"You look nice."
"You're funny."

say:

"I love how passionate you are about so many different things."
"Damn, that jacket looks fantastic on you."
"I feel like I could talk to you about anything and it would still be fun."

A few genuine compliments go a long way.Follow the example of Jack Nicholson.

Speak in a dominant, not submissive tone..Submissive tones have a rising tone at the end of sentences. We do this with people we consider superior (such as bosses) or when seeking approval, often with new people. It makes you sound nervous and insecure.

Dominant voices have a neutral or lower pitch at the end of the sentence. He comes across as confident, confident, and honest.

Stay positive.Life can be stressful enough as it is. Everyone wants to be with someone who brings something to the table.positive energyand improves the environment. Is it contagious.

Yes, I understand that some people have come together through regret and cynicism. But that's a weak and untenable way to connect. Instead, be the guy who makes them.forgetabout your worries and problems.

Even if someone says something like, "I've had such a stressful, horrible work week." Don't say, "Yeah, I know how it sucks." )”

Don't criticize or judge them harshly.It's okay to have a different opinion and express it. But if you don't agree with something, be courteous.

Do not tell:

"Wow, how can you like that?"
"That's wrong, they actually found..."

say:

"I can appreciate that, although I'm more of a ____ type myself."
"I recently read an article that said..."

Attacking people only leads them to become overly defensive or shut down.

If you disagree with someone so much that you can't help yourself, it's not for you.Leaveand talk to someone who is

learn howtell a good story.It is much easier than you think. Each story follows this basic pattern:

Hook -> vivid images/emotions -> punchline.

Stories are an amazing way to draw someone in and make them identify with the real you. And since you're just reminiscing about something from your past, you won't run out of things to say.

Avoid one-word or general answers.They enter abruptly and may close the doors for further conversation.

For example, if someone asks, "I really want to see a Fenway game, have you been there?"

Don't react:

"Yes," "No," or "Yes, that's okay."

React:

“Yes, I go there with my father every year. You should definitely catch a game before you go."
"No, I haven't, but I really want to go too."

Both allow you to jump to a story or ask a relevant question.

Assume that people will like your presence.Our perceptions have a powerful impact on our results.

If you go into any social situation thinking, "You're not going to want to talk to me," "I'm going to get rejected," or "This is going to be horrible," you'll be proven right. They will project dejected body language, be shy, and have a hard time relaxing.

but if youbelieving that people will be warm, friendly, and welcoming– That will be more true than you think. You will be very excited to start conversations to connect with people and it shows immediately.

Be expressive.You don't have to fake emotion or become a chest thump."Alfa male“. But showing little to no facial expression and having the "deer in the spotlight" look isn't going to turn anyone on.

SMILE! Get excited when he shares a point that interests you. Raise your eyebrows in surprise when someone tells you something personal or shocking. Give him a playful look of desperation. Use your hands to convey emotions.

Being animated is magnetic. Think of someone you consider a "very people person." How do you meet in a conversation? Bored or lively?

Half of what makes a conversation interesting to people is seeing your reaction.