17 tips to master the conversation with new people (2023)

17 tips to master the conversation with new people (1)How many times have you avoided talking to someone new because you were afraid that:

That kind of doubt can be debilitating. But you are not alone.

Every week I get dozens of questions like, "Nick, can you tell me exactly what to say? That would really help me get started."

I wish I could offer them a silver bullet, but then I'd be just another scammer.

Conversations are dynamic and unique. You talk to different people, with different personalities, in different situations. If you have the same conversations with everyone, then you never really connect with them.

Let go of the idea that an argument is a mathematical formula. Stop looking for the "secret" to learning how to talk to people.

The answer is to gain social confidence through real world experiences.

What Imayoprovide you with proven guidelines to make these experiences easier and more successful. But it is still up to you to apply them.

Here are my 17 tips for mastering conversations with new people.

  • Do you really care about them?Every article on conversation tips begins with "Listen well." But how exactly do you do that?

    Do you know how! It happens of courseif you are interested in the other person.

    don't believe me Why can you play with your family and close friends with ease? Because you focus on the words coming out of their mouth instead of what you'll say next in your own head.

    A conversation is a two-way exchange where you build on what the other is saying. Listening gives you all the material you need to build a relationship, ask relevant questions, and continue to build the connection.

    But unless you're actively interested in what the other person is saying, it's impossible to have an interesting conversation.

  • Use the F.O.R.D. and avoid R.A.P.E.FORD. is a well-known guide to what topics are generally effective when connecting with new people. It is synonymous with family, work, recreation and dreams (hopes).

    But what about the topics to avoid? I went by the acronym R.A.P.E. found — means religion, abortion, politics, economics. I would also add previous romantic relationships.

    These are sensitive topics for many people. Unless you have a lot of experience using them or they are relevant to the situation, I wouldn't do it until you know the person better.

    (Video) How To Never Be Boring In Any Conversation! (17 Awesome Tips For Mastering Small Talk With Anyone)

  • Ask interesting questions.Stop trying to carry all the weight of the conversation. Asking meaningful questions relieves you.

    People love to talk about themselves, so encourage them to. Invite them to share their passions, opinions, and stories. You'll walk away from the conversation feeling like you're a great listener who cared to meet you.

    Here are three rules for great questions that lead to meaningful connections:

    • Open or provocative.Questions that can be easily answered with one word don't derail the conversation. Force the other person to think about their response and give them more material to connect with.
    • Creative or unique. Don't ask the same questions that you've probably heard a thousand times.
    • Emotional.Your questions should evoke emotions and not just provide a constant exchange of data. They want the "why" behind the words.

    Don't stress over surprising first questions. They only open the door so you can keep digging deeper. It's perfectly fine to get the ball rolling with a "standard" question.

    Let's take "work" as an example. You could start talking to a woman with:

    "So, what are you doing?"

    She then tells you about her career as a travel photographer. I could continue with a series of increasingly boring factual questions like:

    "Did you go to school for this?" / "Do you like it?"

    You're likely to get a lot of short, half-hearted "chat" responses. It will also feel like an interview.

    Or you could use interesting questions like:

    "Have you always wanted to be a photographer or was there a turning point?" / "Which take are you most proud of?"

    Which set do you think will make them respond? What will make them share genuine emotions and ideas about themselves? What will be the most remembered?

  • Use conversation starters to keep the discussion natural.Simply put, hook points are any words or ideas spoken by the other person.

    what is saidat those momentswill provide youallYou need to stimulate the conversation. But if you're in your head and not interested in what the other person is saying (Step #1), you're missing out on all the wonderful reference points you can use to your advantage.

    Let's continue with the previous example. You ask: "And what do you do?" She replies: “I am a travel photographer. Actually, I just got back from Argentina on Wednesday.”

    On what hooks could the conversation continue?

    - Travel
    - Photographs
    – Argentina
    – Flying (involved by long-distance travel)

    (Video) 7 Ways to Make a Conversation With Anyone | Malavika Varadan | TEDxBITSPilaniDubai

    Choose one of the above. There are an unlimited number of ways you can respond. Think…

    Have you been to Argentina? What do you like about it? Have a story to share? If not, what would you like to know about Argentina? Do you take photos yourself? How does it feel to fly so long?

    So could you...

    • Ask a relevant or insightful question.As in the previous example, you can immediately proceed with:

      "I'm jealous, that sounds exciting. Did you always want to be a photographer or was there a turning point?

      Or even something more light-hearted (but still unique and thought-provoking)...

      "Okay, since you're a professional, what's your secret to enjoying a 12-hour flight?" [Fly]

    • sarcastic joke."Wow, traveling the world and seeing beautiful places sounds like a horrible job." [Trips]
    • Retire."I would love to visit Argentina, the culture and nightlife seem amazing." [Argentina]
    • be playful"Oh my gosh why would you leave this glorious weather? [Argentina]
    • Role playing game.“It must be hard handling all this equipment yourself. Looks like I'm your new full-time travel assistant." [Photo]

    Mix up your answers and insert statements between the questions.

    So the basic idea is this:

    Ask an engaging question -> Listen and choose a sticking point -> Ask a relevant statement/question -> Repeat the listening and pick the next sticking point.

  • worry aboutstrong eye contact.Without them, you appear nervous, uninterested, or fake. This is especially true when the other person is speaking. When you break eye contact, keep it brief and casual.
  • stop fearing silence.You don't have to complete all the pauses in the conversation right away. It's perfectly normal to have a quiet moment or two.

    As long as you're comfortable with yourself, it won't be weird or "scary." Silence is only uncomfortable if you make it uncomfortable.

    If you tense up, look scared, and stutter, the other person will feel uncomfortable. But when you smile, take a breath, or casually have a drink, then everything will feel great. drive with meconfident body languageeven if you're scared inside.

    Those extra seconds give you a chance to collect your thoughts and respond well. Not only that, but because you seem relaxed, the other person often restarts the conversation. A win for you.

  • Don't be a 1-Top.When someone shares a story with you (especially if it's personal), don't immediately reply that you have a better, crazier, or more impressive one. It seems you don't care what they told you. They may even feel stupid and regret telling their story.
  • Give genuine and personal compliments.People love to be validated and to feed their egos. Everyone wants to feel attractive and popular.

    That being said, don't start giving cheap compliments. Those blanket compliments you've heard 100 times won't have much of an impact. And when people feel like you're being fake or have ulterior motives, it can have a very negative impact on your connection.

    How are you doing?give a big compliment?

    (Video) 6 Psychology Tricks To Make People Respect You Instantly

    Make sure they are entitled to it and make it unique to them.

    I only give compliments when someone has opened up to me, shared something personal, and impressed me. You deserve my praise and it carries a lot of weight.

    Do not tell:

    "That's really interesting."
    "You look nice."
    "You're funny."


    "I love how passionate you are about so many different things."
    "Damn, that jacket looks fantastic on you."
    "I feel like I could talk to you about anything and it would still be fun."

    A few genuine compliments go a long way.Follow the example of Jack Nicholson.

  • Speak in a dominant, not submissive tone..Submissive tones have a rising tone at the end of sentences. We do this with people we consider superior (such as bosses) or when seeking approval, often with new people. It makes you sound nervous and insecure.

    Dominant voices have a neutral or lower pitch at the end of the sentence. He comes across as confident, confident, and honest.

  • Don't apologize unnecessarily. Unless you really piss someone off.or have done something worthy of a real apology, don't do it.
  • Stay positive.Life can be stressful enough as it is. Everyone wants to be with someone who brings something to the table.positive energyand improves the environment. Is it contagious.

    Yes, I understand that some people have come together through regret and cynicism. But that's a weak and untenable way to connect. Instead, be the guy who makes them.forgetabout your worries and problems.

    Even if someone says something like, "I've had such a stressful, horrible work week." Don't say, "Yeah, I know how it sucks." )”

  • Don't criticize or judge them harshly.It's okay to have a different opinion and express it. But if you don't agree with something, be courteous.

    Do not tell:

    "Wow, how can you like that?"
    "That's wrong, they actually found..."


    "I can appreciate that, although I'm more of a ____ type myself."
    "I recently read an article that said..."

    (Video) Become an intellectual explorer: Master the art of conversation | Emily Chamlee-Wright | Big Think

    Attacking people only leads them to become overly defensive or shut down.

    If you disagree with someone so much that you can't help yourself, it's not for you.Leaveand talk to someone who is

  • Give the "I'm listening" signal occasionally.A simple nod, "mhmm" or "yes" shows that you are engaged in the conversation.
  • learn howtell a good story.It is much easier than you think. Each story follows this basic pattern:

    Hook -> vivid images/emotions -> punchline.

    Stories are an amazing way to draw someone in and make them identify with the real you. And since you're just reminiscing about something from your past, you won't run out of things to say.

  • Avoid one-word or general answers.They enter abruptly and may close the doors for further conversation.

    For example, if someone asks, "I really want to see a Fenway game, have you been there?"

    Don't react:

    "Yes," "No," or "Yes, that's okay."


    “Yes, I go there with my father every year. You should definitely catch a game before you go."
    "No, I haven't, but I really want to go too."

    Both allow you to jump to a story or ask a relevant question.

  • Assume that people will like your presence.Our perceptions have a powerful impact on our results.

    If you go into any social situation thinking, "You're not going to want to talk to me," "I'm going to get rejected," or "This is going to be horrible," you'll be proven right. They will project dejected body language, be shy, and have a hard time relaxing.

    but if youbelieving that people will be warm, friendly, and welcoming– That will be more true than you think. You will be very excited to start conversations to connect with people and it shows immediately.

  • Be expressive.You don't have to fake emotion or become a chest thump."Alfa male“. But showing little to no facial expression and having the "deer in the spotlight" look isn't going to turn anyone on.

    SMILE! Get excited when he shares a point that interests you. Raise your eyebrows in surprise when someone tells you something personal or shocking. Give him a playful look of desperation. Use your hands to convey emotions.

    (Video) Think Fast, Talk Smart: Communication Techniques

    Being animated is magnetic. Think of someone you consider a "very people person." How do you meet in a conversation? Bored or lively?

    Half of what makes a conversation interesting to people is seeing your reaction.

  • FAQs

    What are 10 ways to have a better conversation? ›

    10 Ways to Have Better Conversations
    1. Don't multitask. “Be present. ...
    2. Don't pontificate. ...
    3. Use open-ended questions. ...
    4. Go with the flow. ...
    5. Try not to repeat yourself. ...
    6. Stay out of the weeds. ...
    7. Listen. ...
    8. Be brief.
    Jul 12, 2019

    How do you talk in front of new people? ›

    10 tips for speaking to an audience
    1. Practice, practice, practice. ...
    2. Speak, don't read. ...
    3. Be yourself. ...
    4. Aim for a positive state of mind and a confident attitude. ...
    5. Use verbal signposting. ...
    6. Use examples, illustrations and humour. ...
    7. Ask questions and invite participation. ...
    8. Be aware of eye contact and body language.
    Mar 28, 2022

    What are the 3 R's when talking about conversation? ›

    In the relational process, the mediator should foster and model the three R's: respect, recognition, and reflection.

    What are the 3 rules for good conversation? ›

    But many people worry about having conversations.
    The Rules of Conversation
    • Conversation is a Two-Way Street. ...
    • Be Friendly and Polite. ...
    • Respond to What They are Saying. ...
    • Use Signalling to Help the Other Person.

    What are the 10 basic rules of conversation? ›

    10 Basic Rules for Great Conversations
    • Common Types of Conversation. ...
    • Don't multitask. ...
    • Don't pontificate. ...
    • Use open-ended questions. ...
    • Go with the flow. ...
    • If you don't know, say you don't know. ...
    • Don't equate your experience with theirs. ...
    • Try not to repeat yourself.
    Feb 3, 2023

    How do you keep a conversation interesting? ›

    6 Ways to Keep a Conversation Going
    1. 1 Listen.
    2. 2 Show interest.
    3. 3 “Tell me more about . . .”
    4. 4 Find common ground.
    5. 5 Ask open-ended questions.
    6. 6 Demonstrate your worth.
    Aug 12, 2022

    What should not talk about when you meet a new person? ›

    Here are nine things you should never say or talk about when you first meet someone in a professional setting:
    • Anything negative: "My job stinks." "I hate this company." "My boss is a jerk." ...
    • Anything about money: "What's your salary?" "How much do you make?" "What do you get paid?"
    Sep 26, 2014

    What is the fastest way to master a skill? ›

    How to learn new skills quickly
    1. Set your learning goal. ...
    2. Break down your skill set. ...
    3. Identify potential barriers. ...
    4. Apply the "80/20" rule. ...
    5. Focus on one skill at a time. ...
    6. Prioritize personal development. ...
    7. Set more long-term goals. ...
    8. Find opportunities to practice.
    Feb 25, 2020

    How do I make my conversation smarter? ›

    How to Sound Smart
    1. Use simple terminology. Stop thinking the use of big words will make you appear smart. ...
    2. Don't over-articulate. Connect the words within phrases together.
    3. Relax & Breathe. Being relaxed always improves your performance; exhale your voice right out of your lungs. ...
    4. Use a varied intonation pattern.
    Jun 29, 2020

    How do you master skills quickly? ›

    How to Master a New Skill
    1. What the Experts Say. Mastering new skills is not optional in today's business environment. “ ...
    2. Check your readiness. ...
    3. Make sure it's needed. ...
    4. Know how you learn best. ...
    5. Get the right help. ...
    6. Start small. ...
    7. Reflect along the way. ...
    8. Challenge yourself to teach it to others.
    Nov 29, 2012

    What are the 7 strategies for effective conversation dialogue? ›

    • Stop. Focus on the other person, their thoughts and feelings. ...
    • Look. Pay attention to non-verbal messages, without letting yourself be distracted. ...
    • Listen. Listen for the essence of the speaker's thoughts: details, major ideas and their meanings. ...
    • Be empathetic. ...
    • Ask questions. ...
    • Paraphrase.

    What are the 6 steps to being a great conversationalist? ›

    Here are some tips for cultivating a rich conversation:
    • Be prepared. ...
    • Open your conversation with, “Tell me about yourself.” Gross has learned these are the only four words you need to jumpstart a rich conversation. ...
    • Be curious. ...
    • Be funny (when you can). ...
    • Pivot to what you want to discuss. ...
    • Pay attention to body language.
    Nov 26, 2018

    What are the 4 steps to having a conversation? ›

    4 simple steps to help you start a tricky conversation
    • Observation. Describe the problem starting with the word “I” and using your senses. ...
    • Feeling. Describe how the problem is making you feel starting with the word I. ...
    • Need. Describe what you need to feel better about the problem. ...
    • Request.
    Jul 17, 2019

    How do I stop being nervous in front of new people? ›

    Also, realize that sometimes people need to seek professional help to deal with their social anxiety.
    1. Control Your Breathing. ...
    2. Try Exercise or Progressive Muscle Relaxation. ...
    3. Prepare. ...
    4. Start Small. ...
    5. Take the Focus Off Yourself. ...
    6. Talk Back to Negative Thoughts. ...
    7. Use Your Senses.
    Aug 28, 2022

    How do you talk slowly and confidently? ›

    How to Talk Slower and Clearer
    1. Measure Your Rate of Speech.
    2. Feel Your Rhythm: Not Too Fast, Not Too Slow.
    3. Read Poetry, Aloud.
    4. Do a Little Improv.
    5. Regulate Your Breathing.
    6. Add Pauses to Your Notes.
    7. Approach it Like City Driving: Vary Your Speed.
    8. Be (a Little) Theatrical.

    Why is it hard for me to talk to new people? ›

    A person with social anxiety disorder feels symptoms of anxiety or fear in situations where they may be scrutinized, evaluated, or judged by others, such as speaking in public, meeting new people, dating, being on a job interview, answering a question in class, or having to talk to a cashier in a store.

    Why do I struggle to talk to people? ›

    Selective mutism is a severe anxiety disorder where a person is unable to speak in certain social situations, such as with classmates at school or to relatives they do not see very often. It usually starts during childhood and, if left untreated, can persist into adulthood.

    Why do I struggle with conversation? ›

    Trouble with social skills

    They may not know the unspoken social rules of talking with other people. Or they may not naturally pick up on other people's body language and tone of voice. This makes it hard to know how someone feels about what another person said. Trouble with social skills can show up in different ways.

    Why am I so quiet with new people? ›

    Introverts are self-sufficient, and it's why they're so quiet. A quiet person's personality is inward, which means they naturally search themselves for comfort. Since they keep a small circle, they develop the habit of self-reliance by finding ways to cater to their needs.


    1. How To Be Effortlessly Hilarious
    (Charisma on Command)
    2. How To Get A Girl To Like You (17 Attraction & Dating Tips)
    3. How to learn any language easily | Matthew Youlden | TEDxClapham
    (TEDx Talks)
    4. Our Biggest Sponsor Pulled Out - WAN Show February 10, 2023
    (Linus Tech Tips)
    5. The art of asking the right questions | Tim Ferriss, Warren Berger, Hope Jahren & more | Big Think
    (Big Think)
    6. An Educator's CANVA Crash Course!
    (Peachjar Extra Credit)
    Top Articles
    Latest Posts
    Article information

    Author: Stevie Stamm

    Last Updated: 03/04/2023

    Views: 5905

    Rating: 5 / 5 (80 voted)

    Reviews: 95% of readers found this page helpful

    Author information

    Name: Stevie Stamm

    Birthday: 1996-06-22

    Address: Apt. 419 4200 Sipes Estate, East Delmerview, WY 05617

    Phone: +342332224300

    Job: Future Advertising Analyst

    Hobby: Leather crafting, Puzzles, Leather crafting, scrapbook, Urban exploration, Cabaret, Skateboarding

    Introduction: My name is Stevie Stamm, I am a colorful, sparkling, splendid, vast, open, hilarious, tender person who loves writing and wants to share my knowledge and understanding with you.